Crossroads, Not Quitting

It's February, good old February. Now, I don't really have that much of a reason to continue this zine. Originally, it was to provide a platform for local bands, and have something for me to do to gain a bit of a footing in the scene, but it's becoming clear that this format isn't really the best way to do so. The best way to do that might be to organise gigs, form connections and stuff, which is something I'm working on and thinking of carrying out sometime.

Upon some thought, I don't think 'quitting' would be the right thing to do, because really, there's a good, high chance I might still want to do this, but I do think that to advance myself as a person it may be best to distance myself from this project of sorts. Whether that be through taking a break or something, I don't know yet.

All I know is that to progress as a person, I must move on to something else. It's time for a change. The sleepless nights spent making this zine, I'm not gonna complain about, it was pretty stupid, but that's what passion and drive does sometimes, but I'm questioning if my work really has that much of an impact, or if I'm just doing it to fulfill obligations and out of the delusion of thinking I'm getting something out of it.

There might be some passion still left, but after some stuff I've been through, and after evaluating the nature of people, it's questionable. There are people in the scene that have been in for less time, and already have established friend groups, they've been in several relationships, are in popular bands, and overall have a higher social standing that whatever I'm doing here with a random zine that honestly, wasn't an original idea.

As corny as it sounds, I want to prioritise being a master of socialising and making friends over making this zine. I'd trade making this zine and the mixed reactions that come with it for a stable friend group and being in a band in a blink of an eye. I know, I know, I could still make this zine and do all the socialising stuff, but one of the major reasons I started this zine was because it would facilitate a way to make connections, and after improving my social skills by quite a bit and fucking around, it's become clear I don't need this anymore, if anything, it's holding me back.

Socially, I'm not doing too bad. I finally got medication for my chronic tiredness, so that's a good thing. I've also met some people at a gig, and hopefully this means I'll have a friend group of sorts from now on. I feel like being known as the 'cool chill guy' is much better than being known as, you know what.

I've enjoyed sharing my thoughts, and I don't think it'd be easy to give that up. I'll continue to champion local bands in any way I can. Honestly, after being to a couple of gigs, I understand why some people stay outside the venue. Sometimes it's more fun to chill, socialise, and absorb the vibes from a place that isn't so crowded, stinky and hot.

So yeah, I'm not quitting, it's just that I know it's time for a change. I'm at a crossroads of sorts—it's something I'll probably discuss with a bunch of people to figure out best course of action. I don't think it's right to disregard where one comes from, but again change is something that has to be accepted.

As for the scene, it looks pretty promising right now. Quite a few people I've met have stuck out as quite rad and kind, and you know what? I don't really mind that there are a bunch of assholes and cliquey people. I'm just living my best life and doing pretty fine. You don't like a band? You think this scene is shit? The scene has so many little 'subscenes' and little groups that it doesn't matter. Try a scene, don't like it? Try another one. You'll find your crowd soon enough.

And special thanks to the people who adopt other people into their groups. Y'all are the people who are lowkey running my social life, so thank you!