Masterplan '26

Music is my reason I didn't end up [ ] myself and the reason I don't want to end my own life period.

Because there's thins I wanna do. Dreams I want to stop having dismissed as wishful thinking but as something I live out. Because I believe that dream is true. It's not really a dream at all. It's a belief. It's the meaning of my life.

For too long I've been a big shithead to other people and myself. I thought that it was right to try and push what I wanna do even if it means lying and hurting people to get there. And it just didn't feel right. It felt bad. It became a cycle that other people saw and were disappointed in because they saw I had the ability but was using it for the wrong things and the wrong reason.

I knew I was at a crossroads in my life and had a choice. I knew what direction felt right and that's where I'm going. How it's played out in real life is saying to the right people the right things after I've sat and really made some sense of my past and chose to unlearn what was keeping me from becoming better. It feels new and it feels weird but after I've started to do it I sit and think about how it wasn't bad at all. I just wanted it to feel bad but I chose to give it a fair go and from the results I've seen it makes me feel good, and this is what I'm gonna keep repeating because I get better from seeing what works because I've done it.

It got to the point where people were putting in real work to purposely make me feel bad. I didn't want to to hear or get the message the first, second, or seven-hundredth time because I always thought it was better to feel nothing than to feel bad. But it's the feeling that was trying to tell me something. I just didn't wanna pickup the phone.

It's what I know now is the truth because when even those who are your Hail Mary people when life is lifing to the point where I didn't want to feel it, it's probably right. It's what I'm still trying to figure out if I've heard correctly or if what I plan on doing is something I should do next. It's the purpose of this piece. I wrote it down on paper and I'm typing it up. It's all the thoughts I have in my head, laid out bare. Because that's how I can figure out which thoughts are worth keeping and which ones aren't.

I used to blame other people for making me a misunderstood outsider.

The origins of I how I first felt that way make total sense. This is my story as it right now. It's my past, my present, what I believe in which is what guides me to create my future. I've only realised now that everything I do is to try and get people to understand my story. So I wrote it down. I want to hear what people think, but more importantly, what people feel. I've never said it before because saying it would've meant being vulnerable. I've realised being vulnerable feels right.

My parents have a very complicated situation with one another. They were and still are trying to make sense of what they mean to each other. They did the best they knew how to at trying to make me someone who could at least make sense of what I needed to make sense of. I never really quite got there. Until now.

What I got from them and from my late grandpa, who I wish I could have a specific memory to remember him by but who lives out in what I do, is that I've definitely got the ability. I see the world in my own way and that's special to people. I just sometimes use my ability for the wrong stuff and for the wrong reasons and think I'm seeing the world right just because I may have a different way of processing things when really it doesn't matter that much because I can definitely communicate with other people. It's about whether I want to communicate with them.

What I didn't get from my parents was to know what it's like to not feel lost in translation. It's what I've had to learn myself and am learning. From the moment I remember moving here I felt like an alien. I went from being brought up surrounded by my extended family in a little town another ocean away to not being able to speak with my peers or communicate what I wanted to communicate.

How I coped was by finding something interesting to get lost in because other people just weren't cutting it. I didn't have anyone to show me and make me understand that there was a better way. A way to get my needs met that actually worked. Someone to model through being there for me and providing the feedback that creates growth. The only people my parents spoke to were other family members who were here. They spoke with the outside world through those family members and ultimately through me because they don't want to learn. We can go into the semantics of that but I realised I needed to learn how to communicate with people and so I'm giving my best go at it and am seeking feedback.

I somehow made it to the start of high school. School taught me how to write essays and reports. Hell, it's a big part of how I communicate and it's why I get awards for it. I had gotten into this 'high ranking' school even though I was out of catchment.

The reason being that my parents thought it was right to them. Their son getting a better education from their perspective. I worked hard because to me, what it meant was getting out of the school I went to for my primary school years and would have ended up at if not for my choices. It was because I was being bullied and the people there just felt like they weren't my people. I thought that at least going to a higher socio-economic class school that had better objective results would mean meeting people who knew where they were going instead of not knowing where they were going and so they decided to just mess with you. I'm glad to have done that.

What it ultimately meant was having to sit in a class with the same people in the same room for every class for three years. Because I got it thanks to some 'academic excellence' program. It drove me insane.

Me and the people in that class just had a different story. They got there through convergent thinking, by seeing what the goals and numbers and logic said you needed to do and doing it that way. They know where they're gonna go. The Science, Tech, Engineering, Maths.

But I got there my own way. Through divergent thinking. From thinking about not just what happened but why it mattered and why it happened. And not doing the things that don't feel like they align with my meaning whatever it is at the time and what I thought the best actions were to realise that at the time. I had just gotten into that class at that school because I saw how the numbers seemed to add up and that they know what they're on about. It looked like a place where I wouldn't feel as bad at. While that is somewhat true, I feel more like I just got a different flavour of it.

I'm glad to have done that, but three years spent having to put up an act for something that doesn't mean anything to me was what really made my existence a nightmare that I felt like and did try to escape and numb myself from because there really wasn't a solution for me back then, back there.

I barely slept at night. I was half-awake at day sneaking in every nap I could in and eating lunch in the school bathrooms because I wanted the day to be over as soon as possible. I thought it wouldn't change.

The reason I'm here today is because I chose every single time not to do it. Now, I actually feel great about each time I said that that day just wasn't going to be the end and pressed on even when I already felt dead and just wanted permission to be dead because everything I was doing meant nothing and made me feel bad.

Really, I just need permission to start living life and stop being the weirdo who sits and does weird shit by himself by finding other people who liked doing the same shit and were doing it better than me. I didn't know it, but I gave myself permission to be better back then and it worked.

I was lucky to have been to a bunch of concerts. I remember experiencing rock and roll for the first time, The Killers on their Imploding The Mirage tour and Ronnie Vannuci the drummer throwing me his sticks as if to say that I should give it a try. I didn't catch them because that was how biblical it was for me.

That night, I just knew that I wanted to do something like that. I wanted to be on stage and have people really understand me. That night, I just knew what I wanted to do even if the doing part wasn't done yet.

The issue was, it wasn't what my parents wanted me to do at the time. The way they saw it, going to concerts with my mum's friend was just a nice 'reward' for doing what they wanted me to do. They keep changing the story. They thought local gigs were ONLY at bars and pubs in The Valley. They thought that whoever dressed up in alternative clothing were just lowlives who take drugs and don't have a life, a life that matched what my parents thought real life should look like.

I knew that I just had to go to a gig. I wanted there to be a gig that started before my 5 pm curfew. Turns out, luck was on my side. I went to a matinee gig held by Ixara of Antidismal. She'd just left the school I still go to. I chatted with her and she gave good advice for how to convince my parents. She talked about who she was, what she did, and why she did it. I came home knowing I wanted to do something like that.

I told my parents about Ixara. How she had the same background as me. Usually, telling my parents anything would just make things worse. But I had something to say, and I was going to do everything I could because I knew it was the way for me to see brighter days.

My mum was reluctant. My dad tried telling me that he's seen it all and that I shouldn't see it and should study my ass off until I accomplish success. Whatever that meant to him. I've pieced it together. He was a disillusioned young person. He grew up in another culture and got the chance to go overseas with his mum and change or keep doing what he was doing. He worked his ass off, at shitty jobs, for shitty pay just to survive, while going to school and living life in a language he didn't understand, and braving bullying and getting shit thrown at him whenever he walked home. Working his ass off and doing shit he didn't want to do worked for him.

What he didn't know and still isn't willing to know is that I'm my own person with my own circumstances, dreams and life. Not his mini-me through which he gets to live out what he feels he isn't able to live out. I was already doing a hell of a good job doing what he wanted me to. I just wanted to do what I wanted to do for once. He got sick of hearing me and just said 'yeah yeah' because he didn't want to hear me talk anymore. My mum asked me what he said and I told her. That was enough for her to allow me to go, with one condition; I had to leave at 8.

I knew none of the bands. All I knew was that The Big Takeover was the next gig that was going to be on, and that it was at Paddington Skatepark and one day before my birthday. I just went to see what was gonna happen and what the scene I heard so much about but had never seen was actually like, in the flesh.

That night, the message got out to the people who needed to hear it. It's poetic that Findaway's performance is the reason they live up to their name, because they helped me find a way. I made sure to tell them about it. And what was the best way to do so?

After that gig I had so many new people suddenly add me and send me DMs. It was ridiculous. I wanted to give back to the scene that had given me so much. The zine was a gift, a side piece to a life I was building, a life I thought was worth sharing for the first time. The scene was cool, and I wanted people to know about it.

It never really got there because there were many things I wanted to say to people but didn't know how to say or didn't to say. I had serious social anxiety and was still fucking depressed. I didn't say what I wanted to because it'd mean being vulnerable and I didn't want to feel that way, because the times I was vulnerable in the past just made me feel embarrassed, used, and it had become unfamiliar to me because I locked it away. It would've meant digging up stuff I tried hard to helped buried. That effort on keeping it hidden was a weight I that I only realised didn't need to be there today.

Today I knew what I had to do but I wanted to actually feel an embodied yes in doing so; to feel it's my choice. I knew that to do that I had to quit the I act.

Today was a sunny day spent outside people watching and processing things I haven't processed nor fully felt until today.

And I saw it. Rich tourists flying in from England, India, Sri Lanka; watching us like we're fucking tourist attractions. Surveillance everywhere for the wrong reasons making experiencing unadulterated life feel like a crime. What's even more insane are the people who try to cut out your heart and your brain, eshays on scooters trying to make

From the moment I chose to start today the day even though I was all up all night because I was ruminating and worrying about the same old stuff.

Today I don't knew what I had to do but I wanted to feel actually feel an embodied yes in doing so out of my choice. I knew that to do that I had to gut the I act.

It was a sunny day spent outside people watching and processing things I haven't processed nor wanted to fully fully felt until today.

And I saw it. Rich tourists flying in from England, India, Sri Lanka to watch us like were-fucking tourist attractions. Surveillance everyone everywhere for the wrong reasons making tasting experiencing a unaltered life feel like a crime. Whats even more insane are the people tryna cut out your heart and your brain, eshays on scooters trying to take make you realise that what you own, the sum of your hard work can be taken from you by people who don't wanna hear it. All while there's constant beng boom and anxious chatter. And I'm done with being yet part of what I know is of today a naysayer, liar, wannabe, denier and hater. Because there's real people who acts, yet another carefully engineered catastrophe by the establishment.

It's ridiculous that Oasis are the biggest names in rock and roll right now. Never before have there been so many talented young people. Voices of a generation. Who aren't where they want to be because the music industry somehow convinced that selling some utter shit sung by some person who knows they didn't mean it is better than selling what really sells. What's What matters to the people. What's real.

Every rockstar or creative who made it big studied their ass off to to know what it needs needed to live out your dream. First it's to have what you say be real and matter. Then you find other people who may have the also like making noise, or some too who just wanna hear it for now.

Then you put that first and get the connections you need. I've read about The Saints, Radio Birdman, Oasis, Pink Floyd, Led Zeppelin, The Who, Nirvana, The Beatles, and have lived it through seeing people I'm proud to call my friends and mentors show me and take me back behind the scenes of who they are, what their doing and why they're doing it. I've put on my first show and wanna hear if what I sang is on point and is what I should do.

How there bout this What all those bands had in common was they all thought that rock and roll as they saw it wasn't relevant to their generation nor did anyone hear and amplify that. They realised they had to make take the mic stand and make history because nobody else was going to do it or say it how they wanted to say it.

Fed Each of those bands were mad for excellence. It meant rehearsals other every possible day. Having each member do their absolute best is their part. It meant not taking "that'll do" as an answer when you know you have a better way to say it.

And then I realised it. I'm the guy. We all are. It's time to show the world what we're on about. It's time to make it big by doing it, and I've already got what I would like to someday be able to call the masterplan.

Oasis are a band that hears their fans. Hell, I think ev they didn't need to come to Brisbane because each song I heard of them was right. The 96 Britpop movement was right. The 76 punk explosion was right. The grunge movement was right. The establishments tryna deny it what they know is true.

We need a movement that catches on. A number that just is right. I keep hearing about the big The Big 26.

It's about having a movement to rally around. Not one One specifically meant for music and for us. And each piece of branding has got to aim aim for excellence. Noel Gallagher knew this. Kurt Cobain did. The Saints did. But I feel like it's a part of what we all do.

When I put on the great The Big Break, I gave it the name, the poster, and the bands that just hit the spot, and got it I studied how Brian Cannon and Michael Spencer Jones, those responsible for putting for giving the graphics and the photos for their message did it. Their philosophy is to capture it as larger than life, as part of something bigger of saying this is in the best way possible.

I read Hunter S Thompson, Lester Bangs, whatever articles about the bands I loved and I saw patterns in what worked and what didn't.

I know that silence or disappointment or whatever doesn't feel right but means I gotta do better, then my plan.

First and foremost it's a for me to say what I've wanted to say individually to so many people but haven't done yet said it to. I've checked off the people who had spoke so loudly, I first first had to respond to first. The rest all I'll say it to once I get the time and know that what I have to say should be said.

Second, I want to play music in a band. For too long I've just got bits here and there but practising a setlist and then playing that setlist means getting it right and getting it tight and doing it with yer mates.

I see that magic when I see it and I know the people at my school have an insane level of ability. Pretty mad level given what I know what one guy does. And I know the scene would think it's cool. I'm gonna give them that one.

I wanna have an event that My event is gonna be the scene '26.' And all I'm only gonna do it [I plan on putting it on at Coorparoo Hall, June/July] if people show they know what being madfest means.

I've written new songs because I feel inspired. I know I need to get a couple nailed down and then nailed down with my school friend who is jams out with me and also wants to fuse & make noise. He just makes it on drums. I'm gonna see where it goes. Maybe I may have to find other people. Right now actually, I just feel it when I'm with someone and have a similar idea and have personalities and circumstances that don't contradict but add up.

I've already got my plan. It's to write a bunch of songs and then play em out with my band at shows that really feel like it's my event I'm holding because I am he and as you are we and we are all together.

Our scene is the best scene in the world and we know it. How people, bands, movements make it big is by latching on, creats making history and having the legend it is speak. I'm latching on to Oasis Live 25 and the Aussie punk movement. Just like those before us were taking notes on what worked and what gave us [it can be ours]. The Sex Pistols did it with Bill Grundy. The Saints did by latching on to the UK punk movement because it was what they had to do to be heard as a band struggling to earn a living. Nirvana did it even better with Smells Like Teen Spirit. Every action was intentional. Each time it was to say as part of each band's mind mastermind's masterplan. to First they had to convince themselves. I've done that. Next it's to convince your inner circle. Your peers, mates, mentors. That's what I'm doing right now. Next, the scene. And I've got an idea the idea, the and got of an idea of what I'm gonna say and how I'm gonna do it. I wanna see who else is mad for for it. feel were gonna The idea is to put on shows that just work and get the message spread as loud and proud as possible to those who need to hear it.

By then, I hope someone we're gonna cross paths with other people in 'the industry.' We're not gonna put up an act, we're gonna stay to have them know who we are, why what we do, and why it matters. If they do they aren't mad for it, they're just the wrong people. We're gonna knock on all the doors. Later on it on and own our movement. Then the world's gonna know about it.

The stars have aligned. Everyone has it at the tip of their tongues. Just they just want a name. A movement that's it true, true.

The Big 26 is our year. The Scene '26. The movement is gonna be called the Brispunk movement.