Personal Pissings

personal pissings

a fuckerfuckerfuckerfuck zine

It's the 11th of August 2024 and I'm sitting on my bed, looking ave lying on the floor, and thinking of how I at all the shit I have lying or have to figure out the software for the Boss Katana amp I bought, and how I need to clean this shit up.

It's the 11th of August 2024, at 1:18 in the morning, and I have no friends and fucked up my attempt at at a a zine zine to to be less of a loser. It's the 11th of August 2024, and it's the middle of a decade. And it must be so fun being you, listening to rock and roll and having fun with your friends.

Breakbone was an experiment in extremities. It was an experiment to see how far I could go before I would be alone again, It was an experiment to see what enjoyment I could get out of it, and so I could enjoy those moment while Well, 3 months later and it only lasted around a month and a half before things went southward.

It was because of this band. That band called my fucking school along with my parents and caused me to overreact and not treat it maturely. A better approach would have been to ask the band that my school was called, and chat with them. The second time was when I was tired during a shitty overseas seas exile with family, and was jealous of the cool lives people had back in Brisbane. If you know, you know.

That was by far the biggest blow. If fucking Antidismal did something like that, their entire business strategy would have fallen apart. Truth is, you need to treat a brand, a band, or a zine like a business. You need to not offend people. You need to conform. Even if you're trying be 'punk', it wouldn't work. To quote Arran McKenzie: 'Everyone needs to stop being so much of an actor. Everyone needs to just be nicer. And remember what's happening in the world right now.' Some people can't take a joke. They can't take when other people are happy. People are savage. People want to fucking tear you up and start to bre break you.

The cycle is like this: I do something cool, which earns the respect of some people, people, those people like me. like me. Then I fuck up and do something that ruins my reputation. Then those reputation gets ruined further and I become a social pariah don't like Then keep fucking up and my again. Then a while passes by and I encounter a new group of people, and I doing something cool, rinse and repeat.

My definition of a friend is someone you can call when your car breaks down. It's someone you can just say 'Saturday at same place?' And have a hangout organised on the spot. It's someone around your age. It's someone who doesn't have an inherent power unbalance or who only talks to you because they're getting paid or they pity you. It's someone who you know you're not their last choice. Like if their other friends invited them to go see a football match and you invited them to a gig, they'd go to the gig with you. It's someone who doesn't give a fuck who much you run your mouth or go on about yourself. They They don't give a shit.

I have nobody who fits that criteria. Absolutely nobody. And I recognise that there's absolutely nothing you can do about it to help me in my situation. The best you can do is give sympathy. I appreciate your concern, but there's really no need. I was surprised by the reaction people gave after my last post about my whining. Yeah, people gave their sympathies, but out of all them, nobody wanted to know-me. It went to a few worded responses, and one person who actually messaged pretty nicely just ghosted. When someone asks for your personal account, that's how you know you've won their approval, and they want to know you for you. Only one person asked for it, and it's still going nowhere, and it makes sense, as they're in their late teens and if you don't already know-I'm And that makes me sound like even more of a whiny kid.

Well, I'm starting a band, and hopefully I can keep being in it. We had our first rehearsal, and I'm still kinda starting out, so I played just power chords and stuff. And I can't really say that much more about it.

I see posts of alternative people at the same school hanging out. I have no chance of that happening, and there is a dearth of those types of people at my school, which makes sense considering it's an academic orientated, wannabe private, conversative public school. There's three alternative people I know that exist in my school. One is a goth girl, who happens to be a the older sister of one of my former acquaintances. She seems to be more Tik Tok goth and her boyfriend looks like the type of dude who is cocky and has a superiority complex who you wouldn't want to touch with a stick or a spoon. She's also in an older grade and way up in the social hierarc archy. Needless to say, there's no chance I'm gonna socialise with her. The next one's the friend of the first one. She's She's basically the same case as the first so I won't go into it.

The last one's another goth, and they are associated with the first two. Pretty quiet and they keep to themselves and I've chatted with them once and they clearly did not want to really have anything to do with me. I'll just leave them alone. It's an embarrassment for my mouth to be open in front of them ever again.

Recently I bought a Boss Katana amp from Facebook Marketplace to go with my Pacifica, also bought from Marketplace. I went to the sharehouse of this guy who goes to UQ and plays in the school band there. The house had nice timber flooring, and was filled with guitars. I somehow lugged the fucking heavy ass 100W amp down the hills of Taringa, and during try ride I saw some alternative people. Looking at these people, I'm the last person they'd expect to be running a shitty zine and to be mildly involved in some local scene.

I had two bands request to be interviewed, but both of them flaked out on me. I also messaged this guy asking to be involved with his record label, though I wouldn't be surprised

if a post comes out announcing the bands they signed and my band wasn't even on there, because he hasn't gotten back to me.

I haven't been attending gigs because I really can't. I have ramped up my studying after my parents gof pissed off and wanted to exile me earlier, and my parents have the stupidest reasons to not let me go to gigs. Because it's 'the next day' or 'the genre is violent'.

I've tried to start a new zine, but it's gone south because I fucked up again. So never mind that.

My state right now is the result of lifelong social isolation.

Another thing I want to touch on is is how people infantilise infantilis you because you're a young person. Like someone would tell you 'Oh I'm so sorry I told you what Absolut Vodka is!' Even with people in their early twenties. They infantilise you. I know what Absolut Vodka is. The youth already fucking know about the Valley and sex and drugs and all that shit. Stop pretending that you're protecting their 'innocence'. You're not. You're coming off as obnoxious.

And fuck you Joseph McShanag. You're a cnt. What you did to me that day by calling me 'austismo' and humiliating me when I was running to class I will never forgive you for. Keep your stupid obsession with the latest haircuts and shitty cologne. Your curled hair looks like a dog shitted on it and one called it modern art. If you think Joseph someone comments if you're reading McShanag's a cnt, say it in the com this on Instagram. I'm writing a song about how much of a shitterfuck he is.

Really, group and weekly hangout Really, all I want is a just a friend group where we go do a rendezvous around the city or some shit. And a group of people where I make some zine with and meet at Visible Ink every Saturday or something. I've got the vision, I've got the idea, but I lack the social skills to do so. To be recognised somehow.

Here's a mixtape if you want to be a fuckerfuckerfuckerfuck:

Media Puzzle - G - Garage Sale

Ramones - I Don't (Demo)

adio Birdman - Alone In The Endzone Radio Birdman - Anglo Girl Desire

Shock Value Under The Red Flag (Live On TV) Type O Negative - I Don't Want To Be Me

Nirvana Territorial Pissings

Civic-Shackled Man

Civic - Street Machine Man

Heavy Liquid - Swallow Your Spit

Semiformal - Fuck Indie Pop (Live In His Bedroom)

I. Recognise. That. You. Don't. Give. A. Fuck. And that's fine.